THE LONG STUDY
Mother, now listen to my words. I see
Your soul in anger; this is a foolish and an evil rage.
Oh, I know when we stand before a helpless
Doom, how hard it is to bear. [pause]
—from “Iphigenia in Aulis,” Euripides
The Mother talked to me
as if I were drawing her naked.
There are no hard edges
to the living flesh
especially to the loosened skin
but we draw them anyway, deceive,
because we cannot see
what we see
we make believe:
Mother, now listen to my words. I see
She loves to say things:
The older I am
the more I know
I don’t know.
But also, sometimes just,
At my age
Oh I don’t know
love
It’s just another way to wage
your soul in anger; this is a foolish and an evil rage.
Tyranny doesn’t become palatable.
It becomes more palatable.
And when you are no longer
a woman drawn,
you are no longer a woman.
But not even an actress
can rehearse the underscore and colour
of the irony that who loved more
becomes less.
Oh, I know when we stand before a helpless
wish I could render her then
still her life
from the sadness
that takes over
from within
what she has become, with cause,
becoming
her only perfect geometry:
the sharp pupil of her dilating eyes knows flaws.
Doom, how hard it is to bear. [pause]
Author’s Bio
ALEXEI PERRY COX currently resides in Montreal. Her work recognizes that a fixed ideal is not useful for trying to gain an understanding of things. Instead it is the process of reexamination that most closely articulates truths in all their complexities. Presently, she is working on a manuscript that has been largely written in Lebanon.