it hits me at the strangest times
snow falling down on my hands
standing outside the psychiatric hospital
sometimes the snow is so silent
i think i’m the only one in the world
and i’m alive, i’m alive.
i’m living in the most curious ways
i hear the radio playing a beautiful ballad
and the orchestra sings its way into
my tired heart,
for a few seconds i forget the pain.
i couldn’t sleep but the sunrise this morning was
orange and pink and blue like a water colour
and i realise how beautiful my world is
how colourful everything is
like it’s telling me stay alive, stay alive.
i recently decided my favourite colour is orange
when i was walking home and the sky was on fire
so magnificent, so majestic, the warmest orange
i’ve ever seen.
i’ve come to realize the world plays tricks on me.
at my darkest moments i glimpse how much life
there is around me,
like my cat nudging me good morning
and giving her her favourite toy.
i remind myself there is so much to live for
and i’m alive, i’m alive.


Amanda Wong (she/her) is the shade of blue that lingers before the sun rises. She often writes about her experiences with schizoaffective disorder, and her experiences of being a queer woman. Amanda has been learning what it means to be Chinese Indigenous from Musqueam territory living on the Island of Tiohtià:ke. When needed, she can be found looking for snails after it rains.